Unexpectedly often comes. It is already sunday at 10 pm. A Sunday after a week in which a lot has changed again. After throwing my professional plans overboard last month and reorienting myself, I didn’t expect to take a few courses after all. Mainly online and the few attendance hours are in the evening. It means it fits perfectly around the care of my grandma.
And finally some normality. The desire for normality is something many people know since Corona. My normality has already said goodbye 2 years ago since the first major dementia attack of my grandma. Normality and to do something for me feels too good to be true. But with the necessary organization it works at least theoretically.
Especially August was far away from normal. I had to overcome many hurdles, encountering fears that were painful like going to the dentist. It was a bit like the beginning of the care. You feel overwhelmed, but you don’t want to admit it, but you learn. Every day a little bit more, until it is part of the new everyday life. I know that my former normal will not come back. And that has little to do with Corona. My grandma will never be as independent as she was before and people who have died do not come back. If I should not care for my grandma anymore, it means that she either lives in a home or will not be among us anymore. I hope that we still have a few years despite her dementia, but this new normal will be very different from the normal in 2018.
I often find it hard to think positive when it comes to my grandma’s health and abilities. It is only when I talk to others that I realize how much my grandma can still do. Nevertheless, on some days I can only see what she can no longer do. The good and bad days are not only related to the person to be cared for. Especially as a relative you often have to nibble emotionally. And often you only realize what was normal when you no longer have it. So here’s to a new normal and hopefully it will be a good one, despite Corona.