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Life Update

9. August 2020 | Remscheid, Germany

It’s time for a Life Update because a lot has changed and the future is again totally uncertain. As I have often told you here, I take care of my grandma. And until 2 weeks ago it was going quite well. But then one morning she had a high temperature and so she was not allowed to go to the day care. There followed a few days where she got worse and worse, until last week Saturday I called 911 after her blood pressure was alarmingly low. There followed days when I wasn’t sure how she was doing, because I wasn’t allowed to go to the hospital and to reach a doctor was a struggle.

In the meantime she is back home but something has changed concerning her dementia. It is not sure if it will get better when she does not have to take the antibiotics anymore and her urinary infection is healed. Hopefully, going to day care will also help her. However, to get her to this point will not be easy. At the moment she has problems with walking and without help she won’t make it out of bed. So I sleep with my grandma as long as it is necessary. The time in the hospital has not been good for her psyche either. All in all it means to cancel plans and find new ones, make sure to get enough sleep and not to go crazy. It is clear that this is not a constellation forever. One month yes and with the renovation I can continue on the days when my grandma is in day care. However, it will not be quite as planned. Because also here I must be careful with expenditures at present.

 

I have been trying to continue my professional plans for 2 years now and have had to take breaks, take a leave of absence etc. First the fall of my grandmother, then the death in the family including the liquidation of my apartment in Mainz, then Corona and now the next dementia attack? I must also honestly say that even if my grandmother recovers and can continue to live at home, or has to be in short-term or long-term care, I feel that I am through with my previous plan. I still have to find a plan B. I am emotionally devastated and it all reminds me of my mother’s death, the depression I was in and my grandmother’s dementia. So I’m going to look for a training position. And, yeah, this year’s what jobs are all about. Whatever area I’m looking at, I’m keeping to myself for now. I have some ideas, but I can’t continue to work in the area I’m in.

The time of care has changed me and the thought of not having to take care of my grandmother / can also be afraid. Especially after the death of my mother we grew together tremendously. Just the thought of not calling her in the morning brings tears to my eyes, but just because she might have to go to a home, it doesn’t mean that we can’t talk on the phone anymore. It is another moment in life where the direction changes. Luckily I had used the time in July for a short trip to Mainz, because it might be the last one for this year.

And when will there finally be more contributions? How is it with the podcast again? And anyway, what’s on Instagram? The current situation limits me temporally and spatially. My apartment is a construction site and here at my grandma’s I also have to respect her privacy. The apartment is not designed for 2 people. Therefore a podcast recording has to wait until the renovation is done and I am back home more. It is the same with Instagram. I would like to take you more into my everyday life, but at the moment I don’t feel like holding my face in a camera. But what I can finish is the 2nd article about Mainz since I already have the pictures for it. I have a few more ideas for contributions that have an added value for you, but are not so extremely elaborate for me.

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